In honor of Black History Month, this month's All About HER Blog was written by DFSC President & CEO, Meggan Thompson.
I’m often asked about my experience as a leader, and I think, during Black History Month, as the leader of an organization that serves women, it’s the perfect time to share my perspective as a Black female leader.
While not all-encompassing, here’s a glimpse into what I like to call the "Do’s, Don’ts and Reminders" I must navigate as a 5’11” woman of color:
Stand up straight, wear heels-but not too tall, lest you intimidate others. Suck in your stomach and speak only when spoken to, as you’re already noticeable enough. Smile and make your voice sound more feminine, and clap softly; your hands are large, your voice loud—you come off as masculine. Don’t talk too much. Put on earrings. Be quiet. Show some skin. Cover Up. Be interesting. Try not to be the center of attention. Don’t be too confident. Don’t show you know too much. Don’t work too hard. Don’t display your full capabilities. Work twice as hard but only get half as far. You’re the token.
“Okay,” I would tell myself, “I’ve mastered how to behave; now it’s time to get out of bed and figure out what to wear.”
Yes, these were thoughts I used to wrestle with before even starting my day, and I suspect many women do the same. We’re often told what’s acceptable and expected to mold ourselves to fit that standard, rather than being free to explore our preferences and embrace the identity that comes with them.
For a long time, I operated under that mental model, believing that success meant being the best version of whatever others expected me to be. I allowed the thoughts and opinions of others, many of whom had no significant influence over my life, to dictate how I showed up, only to spend countless therapy sessions trying to figure out why I was so unhappy.
As a college Leadership Fellow, I was very familiar with the concept of authentic leadership but putting it into practice was an entirely different challenge, I was introduced to what to do, but not how to do it.
As I reflect on the intersectionality of being a female, millennial, woman of color—considering my career in banking before transitioning to nonprofit work—I realize that learning to be a chameleon was simply a survival mechanism.
The turning point of living for others versus being true to myself came when I began to understand that I was uniquely created, with everything I need to impact lives in a way no one else could. My differences are my superpower. Much like how you feel confident and comfortable when you put on your favorite pair of jeans and a cute top, I now feel empowered when I embrace my best, most unique traits. And while those traits may be shared with others, it’s the combination of the traits I possess and the way I apply them that makes me different.
And I believe that you, too, possess what you need to make the impact you’re meant to make. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and each of us is one of a kind. The world needs you! Don’t change who you are—be who you are, and let the world adjust. Find a space or position (whether that’s in a relationship, job, organization, etc.) that values you and gives you the freedom and safety to evolve as you continue to better understand your superpowers.
